Here’s the bottom

It’s not rock bottom, but it’s close.

Lets start at the end, shall we?

I did something very shitty. I was inappropriately chatting with my good friend’s boyfriend. When I mean inappropriate, I mean that in the span of two days, we had already exchanged photos, and were on the verge of having phone sex. I didn’t have an affair with the man; but it is something that could have happened. On the third day, I got drunk, told my friend some of what happened, and when I left her home, he seemingly told her the rest. The next morning, I told my husband everything. What I did is unforgivable, and I lost a friend. But before you judge, listen to my story.

I have been married for a year, but my husband and I have been together for over 8 years. Early this year we became first time parents to a gorgeous baby boy. To add to that, I found out I had a severe case of Thyroid Cancer. 2010 has been a hectic year for me and my family. Due to the cancer and my son, I opted to become a stay at home mother and wife, while my husband supports us. I, just having graduated college with a Bachelors last year after 6 years of school, thought I was in for a well deserved break. No one ever told me how boring being home can be. Our son has changed our lives in so many ways that we didn’t expect. I guess we thought we would adapt to parenthood very well. But, honestly, being parents has zapped all of our time and energy; we don’t find time at the end of the day to do anything else but sleep.

However, as of late, hearing the good news of my remission, and the upcoming holiday cheer must have put me in a better mood, because my hormones were surging at full force, and I definitely let my husband know about that. I’ve also spoken to my husband plenty of times about spicing up our sex life and trying new things. Like typical long-term couples, we’ve fallen prey to boredom and repetition.

Monotony is the downside of marriage.

It also doesn’t help that my husbands’ profession keeps him late at work. There are times he isn’t home until 10, when our son is already in bed and the food is cold to the touch. It’s  something that we’ve dealt with for a long time. But now with a little one, it is beginning to get annoying, and very frustrating. I know what I did was wrong, but for every action there is a catalyst that forces it to be. Boredom was mine.

He was going through a similar situation, just in this case, she was attending school, and began meeting new friends that she would hang out with. He would stay home with their toddler son. She and I used to talk on the phone almost every day, but lately it was a miracle if I heard from her once in the week. So one time when he got a call from her school saying she had not shown up, he believed she was having an affair. I assured him that once she got home or got in contact with him, everything would be alright. Perhaps something serious had happened?

Well, once she did call we found out that she was in the hospital, with what he told me had been the cost of low blood sugar. Still, when he got  off the phone, he was still upset, and still did not believe her story. And here is where the road between friends bends. He had told me that he found me attractive and beautiful, among other things. Somewhere along the line I had made a confession to him: I had seen his penis on my friend’s phone. From there, it just snow balled until it was all stormy and hazy, and we’d blurred the line between friends and…something else that wasn’t right.

I had decided to tell one of my best friends about it and get her opinion. She had told me somethings that made me reconsider. I had wanted to tell him, but he hadn’t signed back online for the rest of the day, or the next day. I don’t know what I was thinking going to her house with liquor to hang out. It was the worst (or best thing, depending on how you see it) to do. I don’t drink often, so in a way I knew that it would all come out. Just needed some liquid courage, I guess.

Never drink with a guilty conscience.

The rest is history.

When I told my husband the following morning, he took it well. We spoke, and he told me he understood how things could have spiraled out of control online; he’s just glad that we didn’t do anything physical. At first I was taken aback by his reaction, and I was scared. But we have been through so much, that this isn’t something we can’t put behind us. Our story goes back 9 years, and this is the first time I have done something like this. I feel very resentful for what transpired between us, but there’s nothing I can do now but keep going.

Seems like more than just a year is ending.

-Scarlett